The Loch Ness Monster only shows up when the water's dead calm and the morning's at its quietest.
Coincidence? Absolutely not.
She's clearly waiting for conditions to be perfect before making an appearance, which is exactly how most of us operate before that first magical cup of dark liquid sanity. You can't expect a legendary cryptid to surface during choppy waters and chaos. That would be like asking someone to hold a conversation before 9am on a Monday. Barbaric
Scientists love debating what Nessie actually is. Some say she's a massive eel who got tired of being average-sized. Others reckon she's a plesiosaur who somehow dodged extinction and found herself a cozy Scottish lake with excellent retirement benefits. But here's what nobody talks about: her impeccable sense of timing.
She doesn't pop up during tourist season madness or when jet skis are buzzing around like caffeinated mosquitoes. Nope. She waits for those serene, misty mornings when the loch is smooth as glass and everyone's still half-asleep. The lady knows her audience and respects the vibe.
Sound familiar? Because if you're anything like Nessie, you too refuse to function properly until conditions are just right. And by conditions, we mean caffeinated. Nobody's asking you to be charming or productive or even fully human before you've had your coffee. That's just unreasonable.
If you identify as a cryptid who needs the perfect brew before emerging from the depths of blankets and bad moods, the Black Coffee Please Newsletter is calling your name. We explore roasters, coffee spots worth leaving your cave for, and enough coffee-fueled wit to make your mornings actually enjoyable.
Join fellow believers who appreciate good coffee, solid sarcasm, and the occasional conspiracy that doesn't involve politics.
Until the next sighting.
P.S. Did you know: There's no such thing as an "espresso bean". Espressos are just regular coffee beans that are typically roasted dark. Roasters will frequently blend in robusta beans for additional flavor and caffeine.